im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
