I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
