I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
