the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
