How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
