So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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