I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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