Have you finally orgasmed yet?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
