I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
