i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
