i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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