Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
