Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
