its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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