He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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