its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
