overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
