i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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