Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
