i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
