watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
