We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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