one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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