cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Quick, to the slutcave!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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