How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
