Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
