There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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