Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
