I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
