new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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