There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This house was built for laser tag.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
