i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
