well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I supernannyed him into submission
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
