Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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