i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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