Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
