If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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