no, he came in my armpit
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
