I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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