Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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