Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
