First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
