I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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