That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
