the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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