I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
