Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
