I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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