Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
