You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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