4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I sprained my soul last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
