I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
foreskin is a definite game changer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
