I cannot find my penis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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