You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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