I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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