Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
