Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
