So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
