phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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