I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
