Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My ass is underappreciated
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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