I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
