Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
