I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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