I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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