i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
