there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
