Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize