He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was like eating out sand paper
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
