I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
