I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize