what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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