ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
