You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
