what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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